Chapter 14: Without the Past, There’d be no Future
.
.
.
“Tell me about your wife.”
Do I really want to know?
Hell yes.
I’m prepared.
Edward takes another sip of his coffee and looks out the window before responding.
“I met Tanya in college. She was cute, friendly, and easy to get along with. Everything was just comfortable with her. It just became one of those things, you know? We kinda just floated into a relationship.” He snorts and looks up at me. “‘Til this day, I’m not quite sure it was a relationship. We were both single and it was just convenient, especially when people started to assume we were a couple. It was easy to just fall into it.”
I sigh, staying focused on his face. I’m still not quite sure where he’s taking this. But I squeeze his hand, silently urging him to continue.
“We were together about eight months before she told me she was pregnant. We’d been careful, but obviously not careful enough,” he said with a humorless laugh.
“Her parents were furious, but they couldn’t do much in terms of telling Tanya what to do. She was twenty and living on her own. My parents were concerned but supportive, especially after I told them I was determined to finish school. I’d fast-tracked and was already a senior so I figured the right thing to do would be to propose to her.”
Ah. I see where this is going.
“So you married her, finished school and you thought everyone would live happily ever after, right?” I guess, caressing the top of his hand with my fingers. He’s a good, trustworthy man.
He smiles sadly. “Pretty much. I figured, we got along just fine, and I did care about her a whole lot. We thought we’d grow into a strong married couple and the love would follow.”
“It didn’t happen that way...”
“No. Not quite. Brianna was born and for a time those first few months, I really thought things would work out.” He trails off, looking out the window again.
I squeeze his hand, trying to convey understanding and patience. I don’t like the sound of this.
“What happened, Edward?”
His head drops as he exhales, then his sad eyes meet mine, and he lets go of the hold I have on his hands, trailing his fingers along the lines of my palm.
“She was driving home from her parents’ house one evening when she was hit by a drunk driver. She died on impact.”
Holy shit.
“Holy shit.”
Well, what else am I going to say?
“Yeah. It was rough for a while. I was young, a new dad alone with a three-month-old. Everyone mourned, I mourned, but there came a time when I had to move on so I could raise Bree. I originally wanted to go to grad school and become an English professor, but I needed to prioritize things, so I got a job as a first grade teacher a year later.”
“Wow.”
“Running for the hills yet?” Edward asked, smiling ruefully.
“What? Are you kidding right now? Why would you even think that? I have a kid too, you know? You met him, he’s in your class, and he’s sometimes a pain in the ass, but he worships the ground you walk on...remember him?” I try to joke.
I succeed when he laughs, pulling my hand towards him and placing a sweet kiss on my palm.
Yes, I believe I visibly swoon.
Because seriously.
“G’s not a pain in the ass, Bella. He’s an awesome kid. You should see him in class. He’s great.”
That makes me smile. A smile so big it hurts my cheeks.
“See? You know what I mean. The sparkle in your eyes kills me every time, you know that?” Edward adds with a grin.
“The feeling is mutual, buddy.”
We both smile goofily at each other before Edward continues.
“So yeah. I took the job, and I never looked back. Luckily, I fell in love with teaching. But when I realized Bree was growing up and missing out on a real childhood, since I always had her in daycare while I was working, and then at the school where I taught for pre-k and kindergarten, I knew she deserved better. I wanted a slower pace, wanted to be closer to my parents. So here we are.” He gestures around our general vicinity with a light smile.
I’m curious, though. I can’t help it. The sudden feeling of insecurity hits me like a ton of bricks and I can’t shake it.
“Can I ask you something?” I keep my voice even, trying to disguise my timidity.
“Of course.”
“Did you love her? Do you still miss her?”
I’m seriously a masochist for asking, but I have to know.
He takes a moment, visibly mulling over my questions, and I can almost hear the gears in his head moving. His eyes find mine, and they’re sincere and honest.
“I think I loved her in a way. I don’t think it was with the passion I saw in my parents’ marriage, but I did care about her... and yeah, I probably loved her the only way I knew, however I defined love back then. She became a comfortable element to my life.”
Oh.
“I do miss her company, and I wish Bree could’ve had her mother around. But it is what it is. I’m a very different person now, and I want more than what I had with her. I want passion, desire...”
He ends his words with another kiss into my palm before raising it towards his scruffy, delicious face, leaning into my touch.
I may have swooned again just now. I can’t be sure.
“You are different, though. Just what I felt that night at the bar... geez, I can’t even begin to explain the crazy chemistry. Wouldn’t you agree?” He looks up at me, arching a brow.
“Pfft. Um, yeah, I would totally agree with that.”
“And I was serious last night, Bella. I want it all. I don’t think we need to dance around how we feel. We’re adults, we’re parents. Decisions are based on totally different standards,” he says, as we both laugh. The heaviness of a few moments ago suddenly lifts.
“But...” His laughter ends and he gives me a sweet smile.
“But...” I urge him on with an arched brow of my own.
“I want to know more about you. About Garrett...”
Oh, boy.
“Bella, what happened to G’s dad, your ex-husband?”
Here we go.
I turn to look for the waitress. “Can I get a refill, please?” I kind of shout when I see her whiz by. She nods and smiles in acknowledgement.
For a split second I think of asking if she can maybe spike it with something. Lord knows I’m going to need it.
“How much time you got?”
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